"Monkey?" What "monkey?"

"Pride comes before the fall..." Or - as my dad would say -- "The higher the monkey climbs, the more he shows his arse."

Friday, April 27, 2007

Banfield, Court TV, Spector and Murder by 'F' Word

I have just finished watching Ms. Ashley Banfield anchoring her Court T.V. show 'Banfield & Ford,' which is covering Phil Spector's trial for the murder of Lana Clarkson. For all young folks aspiring to television anchor-hood she is a very good example of a bad example.

Can anyone tell me why Ms. Ahsley Banfield, Court T.V.'s co-host of "Banfield and Ford" feels some need to keep reminding us that she is not a lawyer?
Why tell us her non-lawyerly status and omit to mention that she is also not intelligent, perceptive or worldly? Why doesn't she just, flat-out, state that she's incompetent to host a show on the legal system?

I suppose she does not remind us of those other items on her curriculum vitae since they are so glaringly apparent from fifteen minutes of listening to her.

Phil Spector - a gnarly looking little beast of a man - is a particularly unattractive individual. According to statements in court documents and in various interviews Spector has given, he is also in love with himself and in love with the "F-word." [See: Masters & Johnson re: intercourse.]

Thus far in today's trial Ms. Ashley has railed against Spector's bad language. She has posted the number of times Spector said the 'F-bomb' [as she calls it] at his house and - separately - listed the number of times he said it at the police station.

This, to Ms. Ashley, is prima facie evidence of Spector's guilt. It is not. It is, however, incontrovertible evidence that Mr. Spector uses the 'F-word' when he is drunk and furious.

Ms. Ashley reminds me of a woman I met many years ago in community theatre. Her father had been a singer on the old "Mitch Miller" television show. He had, according to her, not only never used bad language -- but, in fact, his generation did not know those words.

"And," said I to her, "where do you think my generation got them? Do you think the younger folks of today invented the 'F-word' among others? No - we inherited those words from, among others, folks like Geoffrey Chaucer."

Whether Ms. Ashley likes it or not, that language is a part of our linguistic legacy. However, there are some words in current use today which are not part of our legacy. One such word is 'bomb.' As in, to quote Ms. Ashley during today's report, when wishing a good future to departing Court TV anchor Katherine Crier, "Catherine - you're the bomb." [See: American Idol; Randy Jackson. Then, please tell me if Ms. Ashley thinks Catherine Crier is a great lounge singer.]
Ms. Ashley also appears obsessed with how 'normal' people react when confronted with socially awkward situations involving the newly dead.

Apparently - and according to various statements in police reports which Ms. Ashley read, in part, Mr. Spector denied he had killed Ms. Clarkson.

I paraphrase Ms. Banfield's response to those denials of guilt: "What do you expect? Who is going to admit to murder? I watch cop shows on television. People don't just admit to murder. Of course he's going to deny it."

To which a guest attorney replied [and again I paraphrase], "Well, actually, about eighty-five per cent of perpetrators found at the murder scene or taken to the police station, spontaneously confess to the murder they've committed."


After Ms. Banfield's metaphorical indictment of Spector for 'Murder By Cuss Word,' and her rambling about her immense knowledge of human behavior based on 'Dragnet' viewings, she then started to talk with attorney Beth Karas, a Court T.V. correspondent, who is covering the trial.

Both women appeared on split screen. Ms. Banfield immediately went into another ridiculous rant.

Attorney Karas kept trying to speak. Ms. Banfield kept voiding her own brain. Finally Karas rolled her eyes and stared up and off into the distance.

Now - I know I'm about to go for a 'stretch' here with my observation on human nature and behavior. BUT, unlike Ms. Banfield, my interpretation of Ms. Karas's eye-roll cum thousand mile stare, is not based on watching COPS on television.

It is based on my mother. If my mother's eyes responded to Ms. Banfield's ramblings as did Ms. Karas's eyes, the message would have been very clear:

"Shut up, Ashley - please?! For the love of God will you please shut your mouth!"

1 comment:

bev. said...

you da bomb, man!