Are You Smarter Than A West Point Graduate?

A surprise summer television hit has been the show “Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader.” Recently a West Point Graduate found out that, though he wasn’t smarter than the fifth graders in the cast, he was just as ignorant as the majority of them.

The question that he and the majority of the fifth grade participants failed was this: “In the following sentence, which word is a common noun?”

The sentence read: “I like the city of Baltimore.”

The West Pointer had already had trouble with another question and this was only, as I recall, his third question. The most objective of viewers could tell that he was stunned by the question and agonizing over his answer.

Additionally, his fifth grade ‘team member’ also looked quite concerned.

[One must know that a contestant on the show chooses one of the fifth grade participants as a partner for a few questions at a time. If the contestant answers incorrectly or is worried about his answer, he can ‘peek’ at his partners paper, ‘cheat’ by copying if he has no answer, or be ‘saved’ if the fifth grade partner has the correct answer.]

In any event, back to our West Pointer. As mentioned, his fifth grade partner for the ‘common noun’ question looked very puzzled. Of course, one can never take the facial expressions of puzzlement shown by the children as real. The kids have obviously been coached to act worried about their answers

But then the axe fell.

Foxworthy demanded that the West Pointer answer the question.

His answer?

The word ‘I’ was the common noun in the sentence.

“Wrong!” Foxworthy exclaimed.

Immediately the West Pointer blurted out, “Oh! It’s ‘Baltimore.’”

Uh – wrong again. That, of course, is a proper noun.

So – to stay in the game and redeem the ghosts of Grant, Sherman, Lee and Patton, the West Pointer had to be ‘saved’ by his fifth grade partner.

Her answer? “The common noun in the sentence is the word ‘the.’”

Huh?

The disaster and humiliation does not end there.

The remaining four fifth graders then had to reveal their answers to the question. Only two, that is to say, only two out of the five fifth graders had the correct answer: ‘city.’

Thus, of these five very bright kids who are one year away from middle school, only two could identify the common noun in the simply sentence, “I like the city of Baltimore.”

But the implications of this West Pointers humiliation go way beyond this funny little game show. The implications are an indictment of the teaching of English in our public schools.

Ever since the curricular cancer known as “Whole Language Curriculum” was introduced in American during the 70’s and 80’s, more than an entire generation has gone through thousands of American elementary schools with barely any instruction in the phonetic code, structure, grammar, and spelling of the English language.

Morons – idiots – ignoramuses - that is to say, elementary school teachers throughout America have been taught and in turn have taught their students that “the learning of reading and writing is a natural process like the way in which babies learn to walk and talk.”

Teacher guides have been issued in such schools that specifically command a teacher NOT to instruct children in the phonetic code that is the key to learning and speaking English. These teachers are told not to correct spelling errors.

They are not even to correct blatantly wrong answers if the child has a vague notion of the meaning of the words in a sentence.

For instance, this example came directly from a pro-whole language article aimed at so-called elementary educators. [I will paraphrase to save time.]

“Example: A child is asked to read the following sentence and tell its meaning to the class: ‘A young boy sat in the saddle as he rode the pony into town.’”

“Imagine that the child does not know the word pony. He reads the sentence, pauses at the word pony and then says ‘horse.’

“The teacher should commend the child and not point out that he or she is wrong.”

You may think I’m insane in writing this, but every word of it is true.

Whole language instructors believe that phonetic instruction is actually damaging. It interferes with [the insane idea] that people learn to read and write naturally.

If the child guesses that the word ‘pony’ is the word ‘horse,’ that’s o.k. Why? The most important thing to these moron-educators is that the child was able to guess the meaning of the word from context. [i.e. the boy ‘rode’ and was in a ‘saddle.’]

To teach the child the word is ‘horse’ would require phonetic instruction and decoding. Whole language instructors do not do that.

School systems that adopt the whole language approach also abhor the rote learning of spelling and the formal learning of the rules of grammar.

After all – these concepts – so these charlatans and frauds believe – will eventually come to the child ‘naturally.’

So, if one does not teach all these various rules and phonetic codes, there’s another item that will not be taught: “the eight parts of speech.”

In a more classical era, all children, by at least third grade, would have memorized the eight parts of speech, [noun, verb, pronoun adjective, etc.].

There’s a reason they used to memorize these parts of speech by third grade: they were needed to help explain the grammatical structure of a sentence.

Additionally – those basic concepts were, and are, never taught again after that age level. All teachers of the subsequent grades assume the child has achieved mastery of [not passing familiarity with] those concepts.

I have little doubt that the West Pointer could very well have also been a victim of whole language fraud when he was in elementary school. He is now about 29 years of age. When he was in elementary school, the whole language nonsense was spreading like wildfire through the public schools of the USA.

Further evidence in support of my contention that the show’s fifth graders are probably whole language victims: virtually none of these five bright children can spell correctly.

One of the brightest of the shows regular children recently answered the following question: “What was the state from which President Harry Truman came?”

The answer, as spelled by the child: ‘Misourie.’

Once again: rote memorization is despised by the teacher/frauds of today. Fifty years ago, every child would have not only memorized the fifty states, but would have been able to spell those names as well.

One must ask: Just when will this little child genius/actor/contestant get around to learning how to spell the names of the fifty states?

By fifth grade, all that knowledge was drilled into their little heads for permanent reference.

I know, I know – there are those of you who will say that the problem is computer spell-checkers. It may be, in part, true.

However, you cannot discount the fact that thousands of children are actually being deprived of spelling instruction and correction by the teachers hired to serve their best interests. They believe it stifles the child’s self-esteem. They also – insanely – yes, insanely, there is no other word but insanely – believe that children will just ‘naturally’ learn to spell as they get older.

I was raised by public school teachers. I was also a tenured public school teacher. If I had a child, he or she would never see the inside of a public school classroom.

After all, one doesn’t want healthy children put into a sick ward. And I would no more send a child of mine to a public school where the teachers are determined to cripple the child’s ability to read and write for the rest of his life.

"Planet Earth" Tries Global Warming Propaganda - Forgets We Already Know The Truth: Petey Polar Bear Will Live!

O.K. - so the documentary "Planet Earth" didn't have a polar bear specifically named "Petey." Nevertheless, I'm hooked on animal documentaries and I like to anthropomorphize animals. So, for purposes of this column, we are talking about "Petey."

Also, to give a little background to this column, I'm going to start with a digressive kick in the pants to the Reverend Al Gore. I'm doing this because it appears that the Reverend Al's documentary is part of what led to the "Planet Earth" fiasco I describe below.


The Rev. Al Gore's slide show and the movie based thereon, like "Planet Earth," also feature pictures of a Petey Polar Bear. He is stranded on a baby iceberg. He stares down into the water.

Oh what will Petey do? He's stranded!

Uh - not exactly. Well, all right...he's not even close to stranded. Then what's he doing standing on this little block of ice? Hasn't he been washed out to sea due to Universal Pandemic Global Warming?

Uh - again, not exactly. In that picture - which has gotten some worldwide fame thanks to Al - Petey Polar Bear is - most likely - waiting for Stupid Sammy Seal to come a' swimmin' on by.

If Sammy does show up - it'll be Sammy's last swim. Petey will jump on his back - whack him a few good ones between those dewey seal eyes - and then it'll be time to break open some mustard.

Anyway - the Reverend Al's documentary has managed to scare more than a few school children. [Yeah, it's palmed off as science and shown in public school classrooms. In a recent article it was reported that in one high school alone, a student had been shown the entire movie on four separate occasions for four separate classes. It was not reported whether or not it was featured in Sophomore American Fiction where it belongs.]

In another news item, it was reported that an eight year old girl started crying when she got home from school because all the 'polar bears are dying." Hooo boy....it never ends. [Thanks, Al.]

Anyway - now on to "Planet Earth" polar bear show - parts of which, as you will see, are loosely based on a true story - or rather - loosely based on a version of the truth.

As mentioned, I love watching animal documentaries. So, it was easy for me to get on board for the newest installments of 'Planet Earth.'

The episode that precipitated this column was, in large part, about our friend Petey Polar Bear. I happened to tune in mid-way through the show.

Bingo! - I was hooked. There was Petey, and he was a swimmin' away, king of all he surveyed.

We were shown a Pelican's-Eye View of Petey from helicopters. Scuba divers gave us some film of the bear from below the surface. This is the same view seals get just before they 'go to the light.'

So, I popped open a Diet Coke and settled back to enjoy the adventures of Petey.

It was just then that I became aware of exactly what the narrator was saying.

And what she was saying was deceptive, misleading and just short of outright lies.

Why, you may ask, would the narrator have anything to say about polar bears that was misleading almost to the point of being fraudulent?

She said it to scare us about the Global Warming Epidemic which we now know can be spread by a handshake.

I wished I had taped her words so I could type it here verbatim. However, you'll just have to trust me that my paraphrasing is fairly accurate. It went like this:

"Petey the Polar Bear is a good swimmer. He uses his paws as paddles. [she begins to speak with an ominous tone.] But, Petey has not yet been able to find any land.....he is some sixty miles [direct quote of distance] from the nearest shore.....the ice sheets are gone......small bergs of ice, too small to support his weight are all that he can see......if he cannot find land soon...[and the following words are verbatim]...he will drown." [my emphasis added, although the narrator, as well, sounded pretty worried.]

Before cutting to an advertisement, the helicopter's camera went wide angle and then panned the horizon. Oh-mi-god----No land in sight!!!!

Now I cannot be sure of this - but I suspect that in any home in which an eight year old parishioner of Rev. Al Gore's religion was watching the same show, there were probably some tears welling up in the parishioner's eyes.

"Mom! Dad! Petey Polar Bear is gonna drownnnn!!!! Whaaaa!!!!

Husband: "What in the hell is she watching?"

Wife: "I dunnoh, you're in charge of the 'V' chip."

Husband: "Cripes, don't tell me Disney's killing polar bears now....she just got over the 'hit' on Bambi's mother..."

Meanwhile, back at my casa, I was not in tears. I was furious. More on that in a moment. [There better be, or I don't have a column here.]

The commercial ended. The next scene unfolded.

The camera panned a shoreline that was chock-a-block full of yummy Wally Walruses. For Petey Polar Bear - finding this collection of tusked lard buckets would be like having 'take-out' delivered. But?! But?! Where's Petey? Last we knew, we had drawn the desired inference: Petey was lost at sea!!!

Oh, but look, over there, near the Wally 'take-out' counter, Petey has pulled his bedraggled bear's ass up onto the shoreline.

The narrator's voice then, somehow, combined a tone of dread and grim foreboding [the world's ending] with a touch of: 'wow, it's a miracle Petey made it.'

Again - I wish I had taped the show. Her words and tone implied that it was somewhat miraculous that Petey had not drowned. Further, her tone implied that that Petey was one lucky carnivore. We were led to believe that this was pure coincidence that Petey happened to wash up next to dinner.

Her words went something like this: [camera pans to bedraggled-arse-bear] "Our bear has somehow made it to this shore. He is exhausted. He must sleep before he can order his meal. [o.k., she didn't exactly say he would 'order' a Walrus, but we got the idea that some Walrus in the pile would soon be recycled.]

So, let's re-cap: We've been led to believe: a. the bear was lost at sea; b. the bear got lost sixty miles from shore because the ice sheet he expected to find had gone to Global Warming Heaven; c. if the bear survives and finds land, it will be a miracle; d. the scene after the commercial was a miracle; e. the bear's arrival at a Walrus smorgasbord is a fantastic stroke of luck and coincidence; f. global warming can be spread by toilet seats.

Well, your loyal writer got right onto the internet. I wanted to confirm a few facts before I wrote this column. So - I went to a couple of 'Pro-Petey' websites, including that of Sea World and one sponsored by Alaska.

Yep, my memory of the many, many documentaries I've seen on 'Petey' and his 'homeys' was pretty accurate. A summary will suffice:

a. Polar Bears have been spotted on quite a few occasions swimming as far as sixty [yep, exactly sixty] miles from shore.

b. Polar Bears do not get lost at sea.

c. Polar Bears can always find land. No scientist knows how they do it, but they always do. A Polar Bear's perfect sense of direction is two things: a mystery and an established fact.

d. Polar Bears can smell dinner up to twenty miles away. [Believe me, ol' Petey didn't park his butt next to all those Walruses by pure chance. He got a whiff of 'em - probably twenty miles out to sea where he was patrolling the shoreline - and honed in on the buggars like a laser beam.]

e. Polar Bears have such a terrific sense of smell that they can smell a live seal, hiding under three feet of ice, from over a mile away.

But, the Global Warming Fundamentalists of the Rev. Gore are religious dogmatists.

I thought it was bad enough that they named scientists who opposed them as 'Global Warming Deniers.' Not only were they bent on ignoring science that disputed their faith, they were bent on smearing the opposing scientists with a term associated with hateful anti-semites who are known as 'Holocaust Deniers.'

But now I've seen how far the members of this faith will go -- and about this, I am quite serious.

They are willing to twist, distort and lie about facts in other fields of science [i.e. the study of Polar Bears] to scare us into joining their church.

We are led to believe the damned polar bears are now getting 'lost' because ice melted. If they are sixty miles out to sea, they are in grave 'danger.' They may 'drown,' because they cannot find familiar land marks. They are very 'fortunate' to find a meal and do so by luck.

This is all unmitigated crap. And it is a sign of the Global Warming Church's desperation.

As more and more serious climatologists study old and new data, the members of Al's church are being asked to 'debate' the topic.

Those parishioner's - and the Reverend Al - are petrified at the thought of such debate. The good Reverend himself absolutely refuses to engage in a public debate with anyone - no matter what their credentials. After all, Al's a genuine lawyer just like me. What could an MIT meterologist have to contribute to a debate?

Also, Al and his followers know what happened to the Christian fundamentalist William Jennings Bryan in the infamous Scope's Monkey Trial.

Science buried him alive.

And, the Rev. Al's parishioners know - and Reverend Al knows - that despite the fact William Jennings Bryan was fat as a house - there's always more room in his coffin for those who denounce fact in favor of faith.

The parishioner's also know about the debate a few months ago at Cooper Union in New York. Scientists debated the topic of Global Warming.

A poll of the audience found the majority were true believers in Rev. Al's religion prior to the debate. At the end of the debate, the audience was again polled and it turned out that the majority had now become Global Warming Deniers!!! [Uh-oh....Hmmm....Debate's not a good thing now, is it boys and girls?]


One Deacon of the Warming Church - formerly a real scientist - decided that the public at Cooper Union was just too dumb to understand the problem and said so after the second poll was taken. [Y'uh know, in their only appearance in the northeastern United States, Abe Lincoln and Mr. Douglas had the same problem when they debated at Cooper Union....it's just the kind of forum that attracts dumbbells and the homeless. And, of course, when you advertise a debate among scientists - well - for sure you are going to attract every drunken illiterate in crawling distance.]

Thus, belief in Global Warming is reduced to an article of faith. It is not subject to discussion or debate. As Rev. Al knows: you lose parishioners, baby, then you lose donations.

So, dear readers, keep an eye and ear out the next time you watch, if you happen to watch, animal documentaries.

The Global Warming Fundamentalists are everywhere and they are desperate.

There's an old saying: "Truth is the first casualty of war."

Petey Polar Bear doesn't know that saying and never will. But if the scientists who have spent their lives studying Petey and his buddies saw the same documentary the other night, they saw their lifetimes of work and hard-earned knowledge flushed down the toilet by a bunch of religious nuts.

And, disappearing down the crapper with their science was something called 'the truth.'

Sen. Chuck Schumer: "9/11 Plot Was Doomed To Failure - Nothing But FBI Security 'Hype'"

June, 2007 - Six men were arrested for plotting to blow up a jet fuel pipeline at New York City's JFK airport. The ability of the plotters to complete their plans was 'pooh-poohed' by Senator Charles Schumer [D-N.Y.]

Also, whereas most of the major newspapers in the U.S. reported the plot on the first or second page, the New York Times relegated the story to page 37. Schumer and the 'Times' are part of a larger phenomenon.

Every time we hear of a foiled terror plot on American soil, a coterie of people and institutions immediately make light of the plotters and of the realistic success of the plot.

What follows here is a fictional press conference with Sen. Schumer. It is very close to what I believe would have occurred had the 9/11 plotters failed. Frankly, after I wrote it and re-read it, I realized how ridiculous their entire plot sounded.

To hear the facts recited is to hear a Hollywood fiction writer who has gone off the deep end. Even a Hollywood producer would have probably called for re-writes to make it sound more plausible: "They take over four jets with box cutters? Are you nuts? Why not have the plotters' secret agents place sleeping gas in the cockpit? Have the plotters be real jet pilots recruited from airlines in the Islamic world. Have them smuggle disassembled guns on the plane. I mean - for cripes sake - no one's going to be terrified or entertained if they believe the movie plot is a joke. People aren't that stupid....It couldn't happen the way you describe it......"

But - indeed - it happened just this way.....

New York - [September 10, 2001] - With all of the so-called '9/11 Plot' suspects in FBI custody, questions are now being raised about the 'panic' caused by the arrests. In a press conference held in front of the Twin Towers, Senator Schumer [D-N.Y.] said the following:

"Though I commend the FBI on the arrest of some fourteen suspects in an alleged plot to destroy the World Trade Center in New York City - I regret having to state that I believe the Administration is using this so-called 'Plot' to scare the American public and to consolidate its base through an outright appeal to fear."

Senator Schumer was quick to point out that - though the alleged 'terrorists' [or as the New York Times referenced them: the 'Abbot & Costello Freedom Fighters for Islam'] obviously had vile and criminal intentions - the 'alleged plotters' were virtually doomed to failure from the start.

"The sum total of their preparation," said Schumer, "was to spend about sixteen dollars on box-cutters at a hardware store."


Said Schumer - "I don't mean to demean the FBI - but let's be real. We're talking about some fourteen or so guys from the middle east - some of whom could barely speak English - who were supposedly plotting to fly two jumbo jets into the World Trade Center this past September 11th."

Schumer pointed to the Towers looming behind him. "Supposedly these jokers were going to 'topple' the Twin Towers....a-hem...I mean - how can I comment on that? Look at the size of those suckers!"

Schumer shook his head as he continued his prepared statement, "The weapons - if we can actually call them 'weapons' with which this Keystone Cop little gang intended to commandeer two major jets were 'box cutters.'"

At this point in the conference Schumer took a box cutter from his pocket and held it up for the cameras. Deviating from his prepared remarks, he continued:

"I mean - Pleeaase! Boxcutters? Can you get the camera to focus more closely? Thanks - You see - the ENTIRE blade protruding from this little device is - pardon my sarcasm - all of - what? Three-quarters of an inch long - if that?"

"Somehow, the FBI and Justice Department expect us to believe that the entire crew of the Jumbo Jets which they claim were targeted - could be subdued by a couple of guys wielding the equivalent of two shaving razor blades."

A ripple of laughter was heard among the reporters present.

"Wait!" said Schumer - warming to his topic and the obviously appreciative audience - "the allegations get 'better.' Supposedly, these fourteen or so alleged 'terrorists' not ONE of whom even had so much as a pilot's license for a single engine Piper Cub - were not only going to subdue the crew and two entire planeloads of passengers - somehow these fellows were then going to 'pilot' these jets straight into each of the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center. -- I mean - I don't know about you folks in the press - but it took me two days to figure out the new controls on my Mercedes. I got the car on a Monday and couldn't figure out how to signal a left turn or recline the seat until Wednesday."

At this point the laughter among the reporters was widespread.

"And these foreigners were somehow - what? Magically? On the spot - in the cockpit - somehow going to learn to operate the hundreds of gauges on the panel - figure out the geography below them that was speeding by at some five hundred miles an hour - and then - I know, I know, I'm being hard on the authorities - but please, we have to look at this rationally. ---- And then - like homing pigeons, these natives of Egypt, Saudi Arabia and who-knows-what-other country -- these foreigners were somehow going to navigate these huge jets from Boston to New York City - drop down to something like four hundred feet of altitude and then - with the precision of a fighter pilot landing on an aircraft carrier - plow one plane into each of the Twin Towers."

By now the reporters had stopped taking notes. The laughter and derision directed at Bush and the FBI was getting so loud that the Senator had trouble being heard.

"Please - please, if you could just quiet down for a moment!" Schumer waved his hands toward the floor to quiet the audience which, by now had some folks holding their ribs from the pain of laughing.

"Please, I know it sounds far fetched, but - "

"Far fetched!?" shouted Maureen Dowd of the New York Times between outright guffaws. "Shouldn't the FBI get nominated for a children's fiction award at this point? -- I mean, hell, Frank Rich would be a better pilot - at least he knows what New York City looks like from the air. He could probably find Broadway if the weather is fairly clear." [Frank Rich is a communist** for the New York Times and sometimes theatre critic.]

A voice from the back of the press room was heard to say, "Senator - what about the supposed plane that was going to blow up the Pentagon!!!????"

Again - laughter.

"Please, please - that's not been confirmed yet. But, off the record I have heard that - again - there are arrests underway right now for some more plotters who thought that they could snatch another jumbo jet and fly it into the Pentagon. And - though not confirmed - supposedly the plans included 'kidnapping' yet another jumbo jet and driving it straight through the White House."

"And - " called out Ms. Dowd - "I supposed they were somehow going to synchronize the airlines so that all these flights could be simultaneously kidnapped and simultaneously commandeered and, pardon me - simultaneously flown into New York City - not to mention the Washington, D.C.'s heavily monitored and guarded airspace - and - again - without so much as a pilot's license for a single engine plane - pull this all off without anyone noticing."

By this time the Senator put a hand over his mouth to cover his giggles.

Keith Oberman of MSNBC was then heard to say, "Senator - you're a straight speaking man. Please - isn't this nothing but an attempt by the Bush administration to panic the public so as to justify a huge power-grab to enhance their ability to spy on Americans? I mean, look at their proposed legislation for a Department of Homeland Security. Isn't this 'plot' just an excuse to introduce a Republican police state?"

"Well, Keith....Those are your words, not mine. I wouldn't want to question the motives of the President."

"And Cheney?" chimed Olberman.

"Well - Cheney's a different species of cat altogether. I actually think he was the guy on the 'grassy knoll' in Dallas."

After fifteen minutes of press conference - reduced to five minutes by the constant interruption of laughter - Senator Schumer called the conference to an end.

"I'm sorry - " he said. "But - yeah...I mean - this whole damned plot idea is just so damned ridiculous...I mean - what we've got here is a bunch of Wanna-Be Terrorists with grandiose dreams who apparently spent a hell of a lot of time 'B. - S.'ing about their 'clever' [sorry] plan for massive destruction on American territory."

"So you don't buy it?" asked NBC's David Gregory.

"Buy it? David - I wouldn't 'rent it' if I was on the Titanic and this conspiracy was the last life preserver....I mean --- please don't get me wrong. I can see why police and federal officials reacted. But, let's hope in the future they can show a little more mature judgment and discretion before they 'panic' the public. To have the traveling public believe that such a fantastical plot could ever be successful in America - and run by such a loose confederation of loonies - guys who can barely read American street signs - well - I just think there are better ways to spend out time and money."

"Senator? - My name is Mencken. I'm from the Baltimore Sun."

"I like your stuff," said Schumer. "Perhaps you could fit this 'plot' into one of your humorous columns."

"Yes - perhaps. But Senator - I was wondering if you heard about another plot, supposedly involving five or six illegal aliens, the goal of which was to 'blow up' some fuel line that supposedly runs into Kennedy Airport and from there under some of the major roads in New York City?"

"Oh please -" said Schumer, as he gave out a long sigh. First: - I would prefer you use the phrase 'undocumented workers.' I do not think we should refer to hard-working people as 'illegal.'"

"Second: "Hasn't George Bush gotten enough publicity out of this '9/11 Laurel and Hardy' plot to wipe out New York's trade district - and, who knows - the Pentagon, the White House - and I suppose - his ranch in Crawford, Texas? -- I don't think he needs to create another 'conspiracy' to worry Americans."

"You haven't heard about the JFK plot?"

"Come on, Mr. Mencken. I know your sense of irony. No, no - I haven't heard about it but - I'm sure if Bush overheard two wino's in some Newark bar planning it - it'd be the top story in the White House Press Room tomorrow."

This reporter has also learned that the alleged 'ring-leader' and 'mastermind' of this so-called plot on the Twin Towers and Washington, D.C. was being coordinated by some fellow named "Ozamma Be Lighten" or "Bean Laiden," who lives in a cave in Afghanistan.

A phone call to our Middle East bureau reveals that there are neither phone lines nor electrical service in the so-called 'Mastermind's' cave.

One is left to speculate - was this so-called plot coordinated by secret 'post cards' sent by mule pack from the cave of the so-called Mastermind? We can only wonder.

In the meantime, Senator's Schumer and Clinton have announced that they will seek to convene a bi-partisan panel of Democrats to "investigate this 9/11 investigation." Highly placed sources say the panel will investigate the Bush Administration and particularly the office of the Vice-President for abuse of police power.

The FBI's criminal 'investigation' of this so-called "Twin Tower Plot" is reported to have cost upwards of ten million dollars. Some sources believe the money was actually diverted by the Bush administration to fund hotly contested campaigns for seats in the next House of Representatives.

Time will tell. But the Bush-Cheney Administration is itself being accused by some officials from the old Clinton Justice Department of being the 'real' terrorists in this situation. Said one, on condition of anonymity, "Bush and Cheney are the only real terrorists in this deal. They found a dozen or so whack-job Arabs and trumped up a bunch of macho/drunk talk into a plot they could use to terrorize Americans into surrendering their freedoms and into pouring huge money into Bush's CIA for very questionable projects."

So, this reporter asked this unnamed source, "I take it that you don't regard this 'plot' as worthy of serious worry?

"Of course not," said the source. "And that thing Mencken said about the guys who were supposedly planning to to blow up a gas pipeline and incinerate the whole city? Well, all I gotta say is, you get more 'actionable intelligence' out of the butt end of a cow."

Tomorrow: When the dust clears - will their be sufficient evidence of abuse of power to force the impeachment of George W. Bush?

**Editor's Correction: Frank Rich is a "columnist," not a "communist" as stated above......Really!...He's a columnist..What? Why are you laughing? ~ Ed.